Review of THE FAMILY FIRM
A how-to guide from Emily Oster on using data to make practical parenting decisions
Parenting: the activity of bringing up a child as a parent.
Parenting is now a verb, not just a noun. And I say “now” very deliberately because not until the 1970s did this transition occur. Parent was a role, not an action. Modern parenting has become quite the industry in recent decades, with hordes of books, classes, apps and training available for new parents.
And there’s also more data and information to sift through than ever before.
Will playing Mozart increase my child’s IQ? Will watching TV melt my child’s brain? Should I sign my kid up for chess tournaments?
No, probably not, and maybe – if that’s what is interesting to them.
I’m not myself a parent, but I’ve been following Emily Oster’s Parent Data Substack for quite some time now, and was thrilled to get her newest book: The Family Firm: A Data-Driven Guide to Better Decision Making in the Early School Years. Part how-to guide, part research review, Oster offers a practical, unsensational, and smart approach to parenting – one grounded in data and sanity.
I initially picked up her book to learn more about the developmental data on topics of interest to parents – school, sleep, happiness, extracurriculars, technology. I was a bit nervous about the book when I realized how much of the beginning focused on building a framework for how to make the right decisions for your family and then practice applying that framework in realistic parenting decisions. But being a highly organized and conscientious person, I actually found myself excited about the prospect of parenting just so I could adopt her methods!
After the framework for how to run your “family firm,” Oster gets down to the data. As one quickly learns from studying child development, there are very few systematic things that show reliable effects on children’s outcomes. The specific music you play, or superfoods you eat, and organized activities you provide will not overall have much impact on the details of who your child becomes. The Family Firm runs down all the major areas of research. Yes, your kid needs adequate sleep, they should eat a well-rounded diet, find the school that works best for them, and do what you can to ensure your child’s happiness. What this looks like in practice, however, is going to depend on you, your family, and your child.
At first blush, The Family Firm appears to reinforce the hyper-competitive parenting industry. But below the surface, Oster’s philosophy is really to implement a business-like approach to modern parenting (though, a very middle-class one, in my opinion) to reduce friction and conflict resulting from the pure logistical requirements of being a parent – where work and school schedules seem to require an executive assistant to manage!
The Family Firm was an enjoyable book that I flew through. The book reads as though you’re chatting with your best friend over a bottle (or two) of wine, with personal parenting anecdotes to remind the reader that she, like all parents, is human. Kids will become who they will, it’s the parents job to foster a strong relationship, and provide opportunities for children to explore, learn, and grow. Sometimes, as Oster shows, that will require a spreadsheet and maybe even a task manager.
Published: August 2021
Format: Hardcover
If you think this sounds interesting, bookmark these other great reads:
Innate: How the Wiring of Our Brains Shapes Who We Are by Kevin Mitchell (2018)
The Gardener and The Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik (2016)
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